For anyone who knows what its like to hide their pain behind a smile....

2011-01-28T09:50:00.001-08:00

There was a point in time where people didn't hide themselves behind fake smiled and laughter. There was a point in time where each and every smile was real and filled with joy instead of hidden pain. In order to go back to that we would have to go back in time entirely, go back to when all we cared about was what color power ranger and the only time we cried was when we fell and cut ourselves, but we never cried long because we wanted to be the tough guy the could handle the pain and laughed it off. Now when we cry we cry ourselves to sleep or spend the entire night crying. Lets go back when we would take turns being the blue ranger. One day you would be the blue ranger and the next day your best friend would be. Back when you both you run around and hate having to go inside to eat and had to wait till the next day before you two got to hang out. When everyone would meet up at the park and run around being a super hero because we didn't have to be doctors and lawyers. Because we could be the blue ranger even though we were girl and where we could fly with the birds because our imaginations would take us that far. Now let take a walk in to the real world now. Now we know what parents are really fighting about and the hurtful words aren't fixed so easily and so easily forgotten. Now we hate more things and love less. Now we cry more and laugh less. Now the real world is only a few steps in front of us and we have to be that Lawyer or that music producer because if we aren't we aren't going to survive long. Now one day we can't be batman and the next be the flash now or careers and families are going to be all we have and even then we can barely rely on our families. Our families are the ones that cause us the most pain. The people we love most cause us the most pain. So for the time being we drowned ourselves in our music and act as if nothing is wrong. We scream loudly but the music is still louder. We drowned our pain but like a dead body it always resurfaces and we are forced to face it again. It gets harder and harder for us to fun away because the problems continue to grow. Only we truthfully know ourselves and how each situation effects us and over time people realize what affects people in what ways. We push people away in the hope we push the pain away but that only makes the pain grow more because then we feel alone even when we are surrounded by people. So now it is time for the key lesson in all of this. Stop wanting to grow up, stop pushing people away, stop hiding your pain, its okay to cry, don't be in a hurry to face the real world because its not going anywhere. We aren't promised tomorrow so we should start spending it as happy as we were when we were power rangers and playing with dolls and action figures because some day we will be the doctors and lawyers and music producers of our generation, we will be the firefighters and the police. We control the future so lets actually be the ones that make it brighter instead of gloomy.

Muder, the killer, the victim

2011-01-28T09:39:00.000-08:00

Murder, terrible from all aspects but unique as well. Each murder committed is different. Whether the technique or the person. No two killers kill the same way. Even as a killer tries to imitate a historic murderer they still do things differently, think differently, motives are even different. Some kill for the sick obsession other kill because of impulse. Some even kill because they have no control, mentally unstable. For the murderers that were never caught, did they truly get away. Are they really free from the prison they deserve to rot in or do they suffer the ways their victim or victims do? To be slain for no plausible reason, to have a life ended for no apparent reason. There is no way to describe what the killer is feeling. Though many killers have had books written about them and have been studied no one will truthfully know what they were feeling unless they were there sharing the body of the murderer. We can only imagine the real fear and pain the victim was feeling. To suffer, to not have a chance to right all of their wrong, to not be able to say goodbye to the people they loved most. We know nothing of how that really feels.The world looks different. Does the victim truly see their life flash before their eyes like a roll of film playing their life in fast forward. Do they feel regret or is their mind and body so consumed with fear that they can't feel anything but fear? Do we dare question these things? Would we want to be able to comprehend such things? Would knowing all of these things help us solve those many unsolved murders and mysteries? Could we tell the story of the wrongly silenced innocence? Would a person really want to tell the story? The amount of trauma a person is to face both mentally and physically. To be ripped from the living world and thrown away as if there were a piece of trash. Their voices unheard. The silent screams of America. Parents fear the call from the police that their child will not be coming home. Their body is found but it is no longer their child. Their child was filled with life and now laying before them is an empty shell, a nightmare that will drift into a persons memory to forever haunt them till their life ends as well. Do we, as a society, really understand the fear and point of view of the victim? Could we comprehend the feelings the killer has towards the victim? Could we ever know this pain ourselves with out the actual damage being done? If we were to know this said pain would we able to talk about it or would it scar us so bad mentally that the constant thought itself would kill us? To enter the mind of a killer is entering madness itself. To see the expressions of the poor lives that were ended. Is there really any reason good enough to take a life.

Putting my thoughts on paper.

For anyone who knows what its like to hide their pain behind a smile....

Muder, the killer, the victim